Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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