I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
sex in a hospital.. check
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
