someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
