He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
