I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
