So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
