God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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