Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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