If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
