god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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