my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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