that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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