College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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