Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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