I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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