She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
