i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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