We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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