hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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