I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
