my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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