Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
