my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
