I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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