i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
