I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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