dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
