Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
