we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
