Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
