took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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