Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
