Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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