i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
