if i can run in heels then i can drive
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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