A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
