im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
