his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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