His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
