Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
