More tranny stories later!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
