I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
