Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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