I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
