everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize