Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
