I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
