i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
