wanna go halves on a baby?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize