she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
