I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
