you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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