It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My breasts were aching with rage.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
