I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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