Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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