will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
