what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need moral support for this bender
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
