one two three fourrrrnication!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh god it's open bar.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
