I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
