the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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