Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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