i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
