Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
