4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
