i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
