Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
