I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
