You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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