Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my being single is dangerous.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
