hell yes lets make some ravioli
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
