I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize