oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
