Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize