so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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