You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
