No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize