So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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