I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
