You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
