I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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