i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How external is "for external use only"?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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