im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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