Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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