Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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