I bet he comes in French.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
