Will you blow on my dice?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
