I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize