And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
