; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize