How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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