Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
