That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
