I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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