he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
