I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
