i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
