If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
