This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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