The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
